Cloudy with a chance of Strife
by First Lady of Crazy
Summary: Tifa, who is hopelessly infatuated with Leon, has Cloud completely whipped. She decides to talk her friend into befriending Leon in an attempt to find out more about the quiet man. Unsurprisingly, things never work out for Cloud. - Leon/Cloud
1. Chapter 1

I don't usually write fanfiction because I know for a fact that I'm not good with words. I don't even know why I am doing this. Actually, I do. It's because my FF13 game broke down right when it was getting good, and I'm also writing this on a whim to avoid my mountain of holiday homework. I apologize in advance for the characters being OOC.

Characters belong to Square Enix and Disney.

**Edit:** As much as I want to continue this mess, it's embarrassing just to read it over, so I've tried to rewrite it in Cloud's POV so things might be a little easier for me.

* * *

"Isn't he dreamy?" Tifa cooed as she leaned her chin into a raised palm.

Gaia, not this again. With an annoyed sigh, I folded my arms across my chest, offering the woman seated beside me a look of indifference. Honestly, what did she expect me to do? Agree? "I hope you're not expecting me to answer that."

Tifa ignored my sarcastic response with a lengthy sigh. "That hair, those leathers, that butt―"

"I'm going back to the Bailey." I interjected curtly before standing up to leave. This is getting ridiculous. I could be training right now.

Hands instantly shot up to grab at my sleeved arm, pulling me back into the seat with a sharp tug. "Cloud, you promised me you'd help." Tifa cried as she placed her hands on my shoulder pauldron to keep me in place. "I didn't promise you anything." I replied dryly, averting my eyes aside to look away from Tifa's pleading expression. I wasn't about to fall for that one again.

She relaxed her hold on my armour, resting her hands on the fabric of my sleeve. "You promised you'd always be there for me whenever I'm in a pickle."

Why does she always use that against me? My perpetual frown softened at the mention of our childhood promise. I wasn't about to break my promise, and unfortunately, she knew that. I turned my head back towards Tifa, meeting her gaze with feelings of nostalgia stirring within me. After a brief moment of silence, I briefly looked around and spoke. "I don't see any pickles."

"Cloud!" Tifa groaned in exasperation as she her hands flew up to the sides of her head. Biting down a smirk, I responded with a noncommittal grunt, rising from my seat in another attempt to leave. I had better things to do with my time. Tifa quickly pulled me down with a strong tug. Gaia, damn it. "Look, I really like this guy." she said, giving a subtle nod towards the oblivious man who was currently adorning an annoyed frown at Cid's violent antics towards the Restoration's large computer. I tried not to roll my eyes at her. _I know. You tell me this every day. _But I wouldn't voice that aloud, as I have no desire to deal with enraged women. Rosso was bad enough. I glanced at the brunet who was irritatedly swatting the older man's hands away, leaning down to give him an example of the appropriate way to type without beating all the keys in. Give it up, Leonhart, Cid will never be a civilized man.

I turned my head at a sudden hitched noise coming from beside me. Tifa's cheeks were tinted a few shades red than usual. I felt like I missed something. My eyebrows knitted in confusion at her abrupt pause as I wondered what she was staring so intently at. I turned to follow her widened gaze, only to be met with a slightly raised leather clad ass. Curse you, Leonhart.

"I'm going." I announced firmly as I shrugged off her slacked grasp. I was not about to spend the rest of my day staring at Leon's ass with her. Unsurprisingly, Tifa stubbornly latched on. "Cloud, you know I never asked you for much." she said softly. My frown immediately deepened. Oh, you did _not_ just say that.

_-Flashbacks-_

_"Cloud, I'd like you to help take care of Marlene with me while Barret's gone." Tifa said as she smiled sweetly at the small girl beside her. Marlene returned the smile with a cheeky grin which earned her an affectionate pat on the head from the older woman. I glanced down at Marlene with a frown. "Where did Barret go?"_

_Marlene lifted an arm up, her other hand grasping on to the elbow of the raised arm in an attempt to imitate her father's signature pose. "Imma go do me some soul searchin'." she said in the deepest voice she could muster. Tifa laughed at her antics while my frown remained unwavering. Soul searching? I thought he already found it. "Didn't he just win that eBay auction for the entire collection of James Brown's records?" I asked with genuine confusion. Tifa rolled her eyes and lead Marlene towards her new room. "Once we clear this place up, you'll be staying here."_

_"Hey, that's my room!" I protested._

* * *

_"Cloud," Tifa cooed in a singsong voice that I learned to grow wary of. This is my cue to leave. I folded my arms across my chest and turned to walk away. "Come back here, Spiky!" Yuffie beckoned, bouncing with her arms waving animatedly above her head. Great, Yuffie's in on this too. This only means I need to walk faster._

_Much to my dismay, Tifa managed to grab a hold of my arm before I could manage my escape. I have the worst luck. Better get this over with… I let out a defeated sigh before giving Tifa a cautious look. "What do you want?"_

_The girls disregarded my dejected response with triumphant grins. Yuffie ran up to my other side, raising a poster to my eye level. This can't be good. "We want you to join the Hades Paradox Cup with us!" she announced excitedly. I scowled at the mention of the god's name, pushing the poster away from my face. I'm never associating myself in anything that god has to offer. "Not interested."_

_The girls groaned at my expected response, but they persisted anyway. "Think about it this way, Spikes." Yuffie started as she placed her hands on her narrow hips. My lips twitched in a frown at the nickname. I refused to acknowledge that my hair was as spiky as everyone says it is. "It'll be training for Sephiroth."_

_My eyed narrowed dangerously at the young ninja. While I understood that Yuffie did have a point, I did not have any desire to be defeated by a boy wielding a ridiculously large key again. My pride could only take so much damage. "Not interested." I repeated firmly._

_"Cloud, even Leon agreed to sign up." Tifa offered. "I really doubt Sora can take all four of us on."_

_I had to admit, Leonhart is a worthy opponent. Probably the only decent sparring partner I've had during my time at the Coliseum. My lips tightened in thought. Then again, it's not the first time Sora managed to defeat Leonhart and I together… I blame him entirely._

_"Fine."_

_Like hell that kid could win a four against one._

_The next day, the four of us silently limped back to the Restoration Committee headquarters in shameful defeat._

_Fuck this._

* * *

_"Cloud, why don't you dress up as a girl?" Aerith suggested with an eerie smile. "It's the only way." she added for good measure._

_I had to have heard that wrong. My eyes widened comically, my expression clear with displeasure at the notion. "What!" I exclaimed. No way am I dressing up as a woman! I'm a soldier!_

_"Just wait." Aerith's smile didn't falter as she ignored my protesting outbursts. I shivered inwardly at that smile. Gaia, help me. _

_She approached the doorman standing before the extravagant manor's doors. "I've got a cute friend I want to bring." she said with suppressed laughter. I narrowed my eyes at her effortless attempt to muffle her giggling. Say what you want, Aerith, but I'm not going to play along with your ridiculous plan. I couldn't help but notice the doorman giving her a sleazy grin, his eyes blatantly too occupied being fixated on the slit of her dress for him to form a proper answer. Get ready to be acquainted with my fists, you perverted creep_―

_Before I could punch the doorman in the face, Aerith pulled on my arm to lead me away. "Aerith! I can't_―_"_

_"You _are_ worried about Tifa, aren't you?" Aerith paused in her steps to give me an encouraging smile. I frowned. I had to save her. I paused briefly and finally gave her a hesitant nod. I made a promise._

_"Then come on! Hurry!" Aerith urged, breaking into an uncontrollable laughter shortly after._

_I'm already regretting this._

_-End flashbacks-_

"None of us expected Sora to have gotten so powerful in such a short amount of time!" Tifa protested in her defense. I wordlessly shot her a glare. That defeat momentarily shattered my pride beyond all recognition. Tifa flinched at my dark scowl, but continued to defend herself. "And it wasn't like I had _wanted_ to give myself to that short pervert!"

My glare only hardened at the topic of that rescue mission. "Get yourself out of this pickle." I said tersely. Tifa let out a dejected groan. "But Cloud―"

"I was in a _dress_, Tifa."

An ugly dress, at that.

"You didn't have to―"

"I was in a _bra_, a _thong_, and a _purple_ _dress_ for _you_."

My crotch hurt just thinking about it.

"Cloud, please?" Tifa pleaded, her eyes widening in resemblance to one of the many dalmatian puppies Sora frequently brought in for reasons unknown to me. I closed my eyes to avoid her expression, eventually letting out a heavy sigh. It was always better to just humor her. "What do you want?"

Tifa instantly beamed at my change of heart as she brought her hands together. "I'd like you to get to know Leon. You know, become friends." she said with much enthusiasm.

You've got to be kidding me. The longest conversation I've had with that man was that one time I asked where the blade polish was. I was about to question her motive and sanity, but I was cut off as she happily continued to elaborate on her flawed plan. "Find out what he likes and doesn't like, etc. Most importantly, talk me up!" she explained. "Besides, it's about time you made a friend around here."

I frowned, unsure whether or not if that was an insult to my almost nonexistent social skills. "Why can't you do that yourself?"

"Because, Cloud," she said in a borderline condescending tone. "I'm not a man."

I raised an eyebrow in amusement at the statement. Sometimes, I really doubted that. Unfortunately my action did not go unnoticed as she promptly punched my arm, which resulted in a strangled yelp. And by that, I mean a manly cry.

With a slight cringe in place, I looked up to see Yuffie heading straight towards Leon, her eyes also attached to his raised behind as she approached him. This made me wonder if staring at Leonhart's ass was a past time everyone in the Restoration Committee took part in. I should really tell him about this one day. She paused in her stroll at my masculine outburst, then turned her attention towards us. I quickly replaced my pained expression with a stoic frown. She gave me a knowing grin and made a crude whipping gesture with her arms before resuming her walk towards the Restoration leader. The nerve of that girl! I am _not_ whipped. I'm only highly susceptible to persuasion... and violence.

"As I was saying," Tifa growled, her voice effectively cutting off my train of thought. "I'm not a man, so he'd be less inclined to tell me certain things that I'd like to know."

"Like what?"

"You know, penis siz―"

"I still think you should do this on your own."

"But Cloud! You promised―"

"No."

Tifa made a frustrated sound in exasperation. "Leon!" she yelled abruptly. What the―

I snapped my head towards her with eyes widened in disbelief as the brunet turned his attention towards the shrill cry of his name. After tossing Cid a last warning look, he headed towards our seats at Merlin's hopelessly messy round table. "What is it?" he asked.

"Cloud has something he'd like to say to you." Tifa said with feigned innocence, effortlessly ignoring my heated glare. I hate you so much right now.

Behind Leon, Yuffie smothered a snort in her hands. That's it, they're both going on my hit list right under Sephiroth's name.

"Really," Leon mused with a mildly surprised glance directed at me. "Well, we're going to have to take this outside, because Yuffie told me she noticed a problem with the pipes." he then turned to exit the small Restoration headquarters, an amused Yuffie trailing behind him. I don't want to take anything outside.

I opened my mouth to protest, but before I could manage a word, Tifa had knocked me out of my chair with a forceful push. Fortunately my reflexes kicked in before I could fall to the ground. I snapped my head in her direction to shoot her another glare and grudgingly followed the Committee leader out the door. I'm just going to explain to him that I had absolutely nothing to say.

Once outside, Leon offered his attention to me as the three of us walked alongside towards the Restoration site. "Well?"

I sounded an annoyed grunt at my predicament. "Leon―" I began, but I was cut off by a loud buzz emitting from my pocket. "Hold on, I'm vibrating." I grumbled as I took out my silently ringing cell phone. It was a text message from Tifa._ 'Cloud, if u screw this up i will kill u 4 real.'_

I can't believe she was actually expecting me to play along with her ridiculous plan. "Lovely." I muttered sarcastically, promptly texting back a response. _'This isn't going to work, Tifa. What the Gaia am I supposed to tell him?'_

Leon raised an eyebrow at the situation, Yuffie mirroring his expression behind him. Don't give me those looks, this isn't supposed to be happening. Before I could manage a word, my phone vibrated again. _'I dunno tell him u like belts and leather too or somethin. start a conversation! its gona work, cloud, stop bein a dick'_

I'm not being a dick. I'm positive that this last minute plan of hers isn't going to work. If Tifa wanted Leon to bond with someone over belts and leather, I would introduce him to Sephiroth. I shook my head in disbelief, my fingers quick to respond. _'I hate you.'_

I rolled my eyes and made a move to pocket my phone, only to have a reply came almost instantly. I should really turn this thing off._ 'dats a lie and u know it. we were childhood BFFs!'_

Very funny.

_'What in Gaia's name are you talking about? You were horrible to me back then.' _I growled under my breath and texted my response fervently. Framing someone for getting you into a coma isn't what best friends do. Don't think I forgot about that, Lockhart.

I heard Leon grunt in irritation as I sent the message. I looked up and offered him an apologetic glance. Seconds later, another text message reply came._ 'omg dont talk about dis now, go talk to leon! stick with the plan!'_

Of all the terrible plans I've taken part in, I can easily say this is one of worst. Trust me, I've done a lot of stupid things. I decided I'd humor Tifa and prove to her that the idea of Leon and I suddenly becoming friends was beyond ridiculous. With an inaudible groan, I finally slipped my cell phone back into my pant pocket. "Sorry about that." I mumbled apologetically. Leon turned his head in my direction with a quirked brow, Yuffie bouncing beside him in silent curiosity. Her silence worried me.

"I..." I trailed awkwardly, having absolutely no idea where I was going with this. I should have really thought things through. What in the worlds was I supposed to say when I had nothing to say? "I… I like..." I continued to mumble. Gaia, screw this. I'm just going to say what Tifa told me to, and if it doesn't work out, I'll blame her for the awful advice. "I like―"

I briefly turned my gaze towards Yuffie when I heard her suppressing a laugh. I looked up to see her going through my text messages. Wait a minute! When did she get that!

"You are so whipped. Whuppah!" she mouthed as she made another gesture of a whipping motion with her arms.

My fists clenched at Yuffie's mocking actions. That's it, I've reached my daily quota of being harassed by women for today. I narrowed my eyes into a pointed glare before raising my voice. Enough was enough. "Yu―!"

Yuffie abruptly cut off my enraged cry with a playful, sharp smack on my behind. How did she even get beside me! I jolted visibly at the hit, earning a concerned expression from Leon. "Cloud?" he asked, but I ignored him as I cursed under my breath as I was about to turn to grab at the cheeky teenager.

"... I didn't know you felt that way about me." Leon said in hesitation before I could turn to give the ninja a much deserved pummelling.

Huh? I honestly had no idea what he was talking about. I turned back to give Leon a quizzical expression. I don't remember saying anything about― ...

Gaia, kill me now.

We stood in a tense, awkward silence. Except for Yuffie, who looked all too enthused at the strange turn of events. "Yeah, I didn't know you felt that way about him, Cloud!"

Shut up, Yuffie. I silently fixated a glare towards her, inwardly grateful for her distraction which allowed me to tear my eyes away from Leon's worried expression. Though, regardless of her much appreciated distraction, I'm not going to let her live to see tomorrow because of this.

"Yuffie, you should go." Leon finally said. "I know where the Restoration site is, and I'm sure a leaking pipe could be easily spotted without your help."

For once, I didn't want Yuffie to leave. The last thing I want right now is to be left alone with Leonhart after that. I reluctantly decided to suck in the remains of my pride and soften my expression to give Yuffie an almost pleading look. Yuffie's face twisted into a grimace. Why you little...

"But I―" she protested.

"_Go_." Leon said firmly.

"Aw, man." Yuffie whined before reluctantly turning around to walk away. Damn it...

Leon focused his attention on me, his confused expression hinting that he was fully expecting me to elaborate.

I let out a small sigh as I brought a hand up to rub at my temples. This day really couldn't get any worse. "Look, Leon... that was an a―"

Before I could tell him that was an accident, I was cut off - _again -_ by a loud vibration in my pocket. At least Yuffie gave me my phone back.

Leon frowned and gave me a stiff nod in a gesture to tell me it was fine for me to respond to my too frequent income of text messages. I don't blame him, any distraction was welcome at this point. I took my phone out, peering down at yet another angry message from Tifa. _'if u dont ask leon out 4 dinner 4 male bonding or somethin before u get back, i will cry and beat u into an unrecognizable mess.'_

I scowled and pocketed my phone with a heavy sigh. I couldn't possibly ask him to dinner after just saying that, let alone to any occasion at all, considering the extent to our bonding consisted of wordless spars. Then again, I didn't want Tifa to complain about this to me for the rest of day either. Honestly, I couldn't figure out which one of the two fates was worse. Hmm. I guess I could incorporate them…

"Leon… Can we discuss this over dinner?"

I'm a genius. I'll explain everything to him tonight _with my phone off _and things can go back to the way they were. Why is he looking at me like that?

"What?" came Leon's small voice after a brief pause.

I frowned at the question, not wanting to have to repeat myself. "I asked if we could discuss this over dinner."

"I know what you said." he said slowly, as if he was having trouble digesting my words. It's a simple question, Leonhart.

"Is that a yes or a no?"

"Are you asking me out?"

Wh-what? Very funny, Leonhart.

"I suppose I'm free tonight."

"Good. I'll see you later."

Wait…

What the fuck.

And that was how I accidentally asked Squall 'Hyne damn it, it's Leon' Leonhart out on a date.

* * *

A/N: I don't know. I just have no idea. I don't know where I'm going with this, but I imagine this all happening with everyone drawn in a cartoony Disney style. Feel free to tell me if I should continue this or not because I just _have no idea. _As for the flamers, trust me, I know how bad this is ― I edited this 3 times while it was still up to notice that none of it actually made any sense. At least this beats doing homework.


	2. Chapter 2

I wrote this chapter at 3 in the morning. I just woke up for no reason and I couldn't go back to sleep. If this chapter doesn't make much sense to you, now you know why. As usual, I apologize for the characters being OOC to serve my questionable amusement.

Characters belong to Square Enix and Disney.

* * *

"Aerith, if Tifa and I waged a war against each other, which side would you pick?" Yuffie asked as she fiddled with the many settings of the bulky camera in her hands.

"You know I don't support wars, Yuffie." Aerith said softly, a bit preoccupied with typing information into the Restoration's defense system. "That is a very wise decision, miss Aerith." came a robotic voice from Ansem's computer. Aerith smiled in thanks. "I've told you before, Tron. Just 'Aerith' is fine."

Yuffie rolled her eyes dramatically with a sigh. "Hippies," she muttered under her breath, but loud enough for everyone to hear. "Seriously, who would you root for?"

"You two are both my friends. I'd be rooting for both sides." Aerith replied easily. "Oh, _really_." Yuffie drawled with a knowing grin. "From what I remember, you and Tifa never got along well."

"That's not true." Aerith said, turning away from her typing to give Yuffie a small frown. "Tifa used to purposely knock you around in battles whenever you got too close to Cloud." Yuffie stated. "She told me they were accidents." the brunette offered in Tifa's defense. "Oh, come off it, Aerie. You and I both know she did that on purpose." Yuffie groaned.

At the all too clear memory of Tifa's fist _accidentally_ colliding with the side of her face on more than one occasion _because she missed the monster_ which was obviously nowhere close to her, Aerith's frown deepened as her stubborn determination to remain impartial faltered. "I was the healer. Of course I had to keep close to him." she mumbled quietly. She cast Yuffie a suspicious glance. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, I―" Yuffie began, but abruptly cut herself off. There was a brief pause as she shot a wary look at Ansem's computer. "Do go on," Tron urged. Yuffie folded her arms across her chest with a huff. "Let's take this to the library. Tron's being nosy again."

"That's not true!" Tron protested weakly, having no choice but to hopelessly watch the two female Committee members exit the room through the confines of his monitor.

"What did you want to tell me?" Aerith asked as she seated herself in a comfortable plush chair. She could not bring herself to understand why the rest of the Committee members chose to set up headquarters in Merlin's dingy home when they could have settled for an empty castle.

Yuffie attempted to create an air of suspense by prolonging her response, but only managed to last a mere couple of seconds before she was unable to contain herself. "Cloud told Leon that he likes him!" she blurted out in excitement. "Granted, it was a mistake because of my amazing skills to manipulate opportune moments, but that's only a minor detail." she added quickly in a hushed voice which did not go unnoticed by the older of the two.

Before Aerith could ask the ninja what exactly had happened, Yuffie disregarded her attempt to speak and continued with a dramatic cry. "That's not all!"

Aerith let out a small sigh followed by a nod, encouraging her friend to continue with much reluctance. "Tifa likes Leon! Which is why Cloud got put up to talk to him by her in the first place!" Yuffie explained as she bounced up and down. While Aerith didn't doubt the ninja's credibility, she often found herself against her methods of gathering information. "Yuffie, how do you know all of this?" she asked suspiciously.

"My mad ninja skills?" Yuffie offered with a sheepish grin.

"_Yuffie_," Aerith raised her voice in slight warning.

"Alright, fine!" Yuffie threw her arms up in the air with a defeated groan. "I went through Cloud's cell phone messages a few hours ago while he was asleep." she admitted. Aerith's suspicion had yet to waver as she crossed her arms. "Cloud barely lets anyone catch him sleep, let alone at this time in the afternoon."

"I may or may not have put sleeping medication in his coffee."

"Cloud doesn't drink coffee."

"And his water."

"Yuffie, that's horrible."

"The point _is_," Yuffie continued despite Aerith's protest, "Cloud has a date with Leon tonight and Tifa has no idea!" she said with much enthusiasm as her hands tightened their grip on the camera hanging from her neck. "You mean he didn't tell her?" Aerith asked worriedly, sitting up straight in her seat. Yuffie shrugged and twirled her fingers against each other in an act of innocence. "He might have been about to, but he fell asleep."

Aerith sighed and shook her head in resemblance of a disapproving mother. "Yuffie, explain." she urged with a growing frown. "Like I said, I went through his text messages." Yuffie said simply, giving another shrug. "That doesn't make much sense with what you've just told me." Aerith pointed out as she crossed her arms. "Alright, _fine_." Yuffie groaned in exasperation before sticking her bottom lip out in an annoyed pout. "He was trying to text Tifa to explain that he accidentally asked Leon out on a date instead of a normal dinner―"

"Why couldn't he have just called her?" Aerith wondered aloud. Yuffie rolled her eyes as if her friend had just asked her a very stupid question. "Because he's a pussy." she stated. Aerith could not bring herself to argue with that logic, so she chose to remained silent. "So, anyway. As I was saying, he was trying to explain, but Tifa just wasn't getting it."

_- Flashback -_

_Cloud bit down his bottom lip as he wondered how he could break the news to Tifa without her bursting into a fit of tears and eventually using him as a punching bag. He was more worried about the former, but he could do without the latter. After a brief moment of thought, he decided that he would inform her via text message instead of physically being close to her and possibly putting himself in danger. With a determined nod, he took his cell phone out and began to text. _'Tifa, I have something to tell you.'

_About a minute later came the faint buzz of Cloud's vibrating cell phone. He hesitantly peered down at the message. _'y cant u just call me?' _he read inwardly. He frowned and paused briefly to provide Tifa with an excuse. _'My throat hurts.'

_Cloud's phone shook again in an instant, but the faint smell of smoke followed by a shrill cry from Merlin's owl caught his attention. He glanced up from his leaning position against the wall to see Cid smoking on a cigarette, the older man grinning maliciously at Archimedes. It was widely known that Cid and Merlin were constantly at each other's throats. The pilot was currently having a go at his fifth attempt at trying to kill the magician's pet bird._

_"Cid, put that out!" Cloud snapped in a loud voice because his throat obviously did not hurt, and more importantly, Merlin would not use his magic to help clean up his hopelessly messy apartment if the magician had found out he had watched his owl die. Cid grumbled an audible string of colorful curses at the younger blond before reluctantly pressing his cigarette against the keyboard, earning a yelp from Tron. Cloud rolled his eyes and went back to resuming his task of text messaging, his free hand idly rubbing at his throat which actually began to feel sore because he normally did not raise his voice like that._

_"Water?" came a playful voice as a mug was held before him._

_Cloud looked up from the small monitor of his cell phone and instantly felt himself tense as he hissed vehemently at the shorter girl smiling in front of him. "Yuffie!" he cried with anger. He regretted his outburst shortly after as he brought his hand to rub his throat again. "I'll deal with you later." he growled and snatched the mug from her hands, having already decided he would: Drink water, explain to Tifa that he had accidentally asked Leon out on a date, and then use the empty mug to pummel Yuffie, all in that specific order. He ignored Yuffie's annoyed 'you're welcome, Spikey' and lowered his gaze to continue texting with his unoccupied hand. _'Sorry, I'm surrounded by idiots. Anyway... Tifa... I wanted to tell you that I accidentally asked Leon out yesterday.'

_It took a few minutes for a response to come, which had Cloud a bit worried. _'OMG OMG dats great! make sure 2 hav lots of fun n den tell me all about it! :) THX SO MUCH CLOUD! xoxo'

_Cloud frowned at the message. Had he not been clear enough? _'Tifa... I mean I accidentally asked him out on a daaadhasjfds' _he attempted to explain but Yuffie had snatched his cell phone out of his grasp before he could text in the last word. The blond pushed himself off the wall to charge furiously towards the grinning ninja, instead finding himself surprisingly sluggish as he eventually dropped sideways into a mountain of Merlin's books. Cid glanced back at the ruckus but decided not to do anything about it because the younger blond had made him put out his smoke. As Yuffie was about to let out a cry of victory, she was cut off by a buzz from Cloud's cell phone in her hand signalling another text response. It read: _'wtf?'

_Yuffie's lips stretched into a broad grin as she quickly texted a response. _'I was trying to say I asked him out on da best night out eva! But I got carried away because I'm just so pumped right now. Get ready for your world to be rocked, gurl. ;]'

_Seconds later, a reply came. _'what da hell, cloud.'_ Yuffie ignored the confused reply and proceeded to seat herself on Cloud's fallen body as she began to read every single text message there was in the blond's cell phone._

_- End flashback -_

"Yuffie!" Aerith cried in disbelief. Yuffie disregarded her outburst and smiled at the memory. "Today is a wonderful day." the ninja said wistfully. Aerith let her forehead rest against her palm as she let out a small sigh. "I suppose Cloud still has the opportunity to straighten things out with Tifa before his dinner with Leon. Not all hope is lost." she reasoned to herself. "Which is where we'll come in!" Yuffie chirped with her fists raised in a gesture of excitement. "Think of the possibilities! Almost anything we do could change their situation drastically. I'm rooting for team Leon! Because that's what Tifa gets for borrowing my shorts last week without my permission."

"You stole those shorts from her. And I'm not sure I follow." Aerith said slowly. Yuffie placed her hands on her hips with a roll of her eyes. "Obviously team Leon is the team which looks past Cloud's mental handicaps―"

"Yuffie, for the last time, Cloud isn't mentally impaired."

"―and his initial accidental mistake of asking him out on a date in the first place, and makes the best out of it, allowing true love to slowly bloss―"

Aerith frowned disapprovingly at the ninja's suggestion. "They're people, not inanimate objects. You can't just play around with them to amuse yourself." she said in a stern manner. Yuffie batted her eyelashes, her eyes widening in a pleading look. Aerith shook her head. "Let them sort out their own matters."

"Not if I can do anything about it!" Yuffie announced loudly, completely ignoring Aerith's advice. "Yuffie―" the brunette cried in exasperation, but was cut off as the ninja bolted out of the room in a swift escape.

"I find Cloud's revealed homosexuality to be unsurprising." came Tron's voice through the door separating the small library from the control room. Aerith let out a long sigh as she leaned back into her seat.

* * *

"Cloud Strife, what are you doing?"

Cloud stirred at the loud voice and chose to ignore it. He sounded an unintelligible groan as his hold on one of Merlin's many haphazardly placed tattered books tightened in his arms. It was a surprisingly decent substitute for a pillow; probably soft from being around for so many years. It was rumored that Merlin had been around since the dinosaurs roamed the worlds, and judging by how undeniably ancient the old man looked, no one actually doubted that rumor. Unfortunately for Cid, a similar rumor followed him.

"Are you _sleeping_? In Merlin's stack of books?"

Cloud's only response was a contented hum and a small movement of his head burying itself deeper into the pages of the closest open book.

"Cloud, you― _Gaia!_ You only have half an hour to get ready!"

A loud thump was heard as a large book landed directly on the sleeping man's head. He immediately shot up with a howl of pain, his hands rubbing at his reddening nose. "What in the worlds... Tifa!" he yelled and pushed himself off the pile of thick books he was in. "What was that for!"

"Come on!" Tifa urged with a strong tug at Cloud's arm, pulling him on to his feet. "You have exactly..." she trailed as she glanced up at the clock hanging behind him, "Twenty eight minutes to make yourself presentable!"

"What are you talking about?"

Tifa shot the blond a thoroughly exasperated look. "What do you mean, 'what am I talking about'! Cloud, your dinner with Leon is less than half an hour away and you're sleeping in a pile of foul scented books!" she yelled, grabbing Cloud by his shoulders to shake them. Cloud frowned and pried her hands off of him, grimacing as he realized that the undesirable smell of the elderly was all over him. His eyes widened after he overcame his initial feelings of weariness. "Where's Yuffie!" he abruptly exclaimed. Tifa was startled by his loud voice and used another nearby book to hit him over the head. "That's not important! We have to get you back to your apartment to get ready!" she yelled with an equally raised tone before she tossed the book aside and dragged Cloud out of the small Committee headquarters by his arm.

On the way to their short trudge towards Cloud's apartment, they ran into Yuffie who seemed short out of breath. "Hey, guys!" Yuffie greeted the two cheerily. Cloud opened his mouth to speak, but Tifa had spoke up before him. "Yuffie, we don't have time for you right now." she said in a hurried voice and tried to sidestep the ninja. Yuffie quickly shuffled in front of her.

Judging by Tifa's lack of murderous intent towards her, Yuffie's grin widened as she figured that Cloud didn't have the chance to explain to her what had happened with Leon. "What's with the rush?" she asked. Tifa let out a lengthy groan in irritation as her teeth bared in an irritated snarl. "I'll tell you some other day." she growled lowly before she made another move to stomp past the younger female. Cloud looked back at the ninja with a pointed glare and turned to Tifa with renewed urgency. "Tifa, I have to tell you someth―"

"Gee!" Yuffie yelled in an unnecessarily booming voice, effectively cutting off what Cloud was about to say. "You guys sure look busy. If only I could offer some assistance."

Much to Cloud's dismay, Tifa stopped and looked back at the ninja. The man shook his head fervently, but it was too late. "Of course you can!" Tifa beamed, her dark expression replaced with a large smile. "I'm helping Cloud get dressed for his dinner with Leon, wanna help?" she asked with hopeful eyes. Cloud glanced up and hoped for a miracle, but was denied tragically as Yuffie accepted the offer and skipped along with them.

* * *

"I heard Leon enjoys the presence of a shirtless male." Yuffie said in an all too casual manner as she helped Tifa style the messy spikes in Cloud's hair. Tifa gave her an incredulous look, but urged her to continue because everyone knew Yuffie used to spend the most time with Leon. Cloud had given up trying to speak a while ago, as the girls would always manage to cut him off in one way or another. "He once told me that men who were willing to bare their chests to him really encouraged him to speak." the ninja continued. Cloud gave her a look that was almost pleading. His pained expression went unnoticed.

Tifa raised a fine brow. "Really? How come?"

"He said it reflected how truthful they were to themselves, and how they have embraced their inner spirit and true self." Yuffie said with a smile as she proceeded to apply cologne onto the horrified blond.

Tifa let out a lengthy sigh. "Leon's so deep." she cooed softly. She pulled down the zip of Cloud's vest to reveal his toned chest with a quick tug. "Tifa―" the man attempt to protest, but was promptly silenced after Yuffie sprayed a cloud of cologne directly at his face. "Is this okay?" Tifa asked, prying the vest open to show off more of Cloud's body.

Yuffie stepped back to admire the upper body of the violently coughing blond. "Trust me, Tifa, it's _fine_."

Tifa's smile broke into a grin and patted Cloud's back with more force than necessary. "You're good to go, Cloud!"

"But..."

Tifa's grin faltered at Yuffie's trailing voice. "But?"

"The final touch." Yuffie said while she dug her hands into her pockets, eventually taking out a small, glittery tube. Cloud's perpetual frown deepened. Tifa spoke up. "Lip gloss?" she asked incredulously, but did not accuse Yuffie of being ridiculous because she had to have a reason which further revealed how deep Leon was. Yuffie gave a firm nod before popping the cap off the tube. "Strawberry lip gloss." she corrected as she held the tube closer to the terrified blond's face. Tifa opened her mouth to further question her, but Yuffie continued. "Leon enjoys drinking in the sight of beautiful lips. It puts him at ease." the ninja said in a soft voice.

"Why?" Tifa asked with baited breath. "It..." Yuffie feigned a choked sob which earned her a heated glare from Cloud, "It reminds him of his mother."

"That poor man!" Tifa placed her hands over her heart with a sad gasp. "Why strawberry, though?"

"Leon has the nose of a bloodhound." Yuffie said. "He was raised in a field of strawberries. He can recognize the faintest smell of the fruit from a mile away."

Tifa nodded in admiration as she watched Yuffie apply a thick, shimmering coat of gloss onto Cloud's tightened lips. "No wonder he's such a gentle soul. He was raised in a beautiful field." she sighed. Cloud clenched his fists by his sides, shaking in anger as he was about to burst―

"Looks like you're ready, Spikey!" Yuffie exclaimed joyously before he could let out a cry of agony. The girls took a few steps back to admire their handiwork. They smiled at the sight of a (too) strongly-scented Cloud, his vest opened to reveal his inspiring honesty to himself and his lips smeared with a glittering coat of gloss for Leon to bask in its beauty and feelings of childhood nostalgia.

"You look fantastic." Tifa finally said.

* * *

A/N: I initially wanted to end with Cloud and Leon's not-so-date, but I figured it would be awkward and kind of long, so I didn't. My expertise lies in Not Doing Homework Or Anything Else For That Matter, so I'll probably have another chapter up pretty soon.


	3. Chapter 3

I really should get out of the habit of writing on a whim at ungodly hours in the morning. I'll fix and edit any errors or bits that just don't make any sense when it's not 5 in the morning. I should also get to doing my homework, but it appears hell hasn't frozen over yet.

All characters belong to Square Enix and Disney.

* * *

"Alright, Spikey, lean casually against that lamppost over there." Yuffie said, pointing a finger in the direction of a suspiciously dim lit corner of the market square where a particularly eerie street light flickered from time to time.

Tifa placed her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow. "But why that one?" she asked.

"Because," Yuffie began matter-of-factly, "We have to help Cloud give off the illusion that he's cool." she explained, which resulted in a glare from the blond which she pointedly ignored. "Leon won't bother to appreciate the subtle effort we put into Cloud's outfit if he doesn't seem cool enough to be worthy of his time." she elaborated with a gesture of her hand from Cloud's not so subtle amount of lip gloss to his shamelessly revealed upper body. Tifa found her logic undeniable and pushed the man towards the blinking street light before he could manage a word of protest.

Cloud let out an indignant growl, almost stumbling over at the shove, yet his expression remained stoic as his back was forcibly pressed against the lamppost. He would have been frowning if not for the uncomfortable coat of gloss over his lips. "This is ridiculous." he spat vehemently, "I look more like a prostitute than I did at Corneo's mansion." he hissed through clenched teeth as he folded his arms across his bare chest, feeling self conscious without his vest zipped up in place.

Tifa rolled her eyes with a huff. "Dilly dally, shilly sha…" her voice trailed off before she could finish her signature phrase which no one but her really understood.

"What's wrong?" Yuffie asked as soon as she noticed the other woman's flustered look. Cloud's eyes narrowed in an expression of concern as Tifa occasionally gave hesitant glances over the man's shoulder.

"Nothing," Tifa said in a hurry, attempting to dismiss their worries with a forced laugh, but that wasn't enough to stop Cloud and the nosy ninja from turning their attention to the direction the dark haired woman's eyes were fixated at.

Cloud's worried gaze instantly hardened into a glare as the three of them caught sight of an actual prostitute dressed in a very similar fashion, leaning against a wall only a few street lights apart from the blond. The prostitute shortly noticed their gaze, then tilted his head aside to give the spiky haired man a wink before mouthing an encouraging 'good luck'. Cloud's expression twisted into a dark scowl as he slowly turned his head towards the women, clearly unamused.

"If it's any consolation, you work that shade of lip gloss far better than he does." Yuffie offered as if her words were supposed put the blond at ease. Tifa nodded fervently in agreement.

The blond narrowed his eyes dangerously at the two women before him, his fists clenching over his chest. This had gone on far enough. It didn't take much for Cloud to realize that he didn't lead the most fortunate life, but this was ridiculous. He decided he would explain right now that this entire fiasco was all the result of a misunderstanding, and then go back to his apartment with what was left of his pride intact. "Listen, Tifa―"

"I can see Leon!" Yuffie suddenly cried in a loud voice, giving Tifa's arm a series of urgent tugs.

"Gaia, help me." Cloud prayed under his breath. With a burst of determination, he had come to the decision that he would not to let their untimely interruptions stop him. "Tifa, listen to me―"

Tifa completely ignored the blond's pleas as she held her breath and perked up in excitement, frantically looking around in hopes of being graced by the sight of the stoic man. "Where!" she said with much enthusiasm. "Over there!" Yuffie pointed wildly at the narrow road along the side of the market square as she bounced in excitement with a squeal. Cloud let out a loud groan as he dejectedly slumped his back against the lamppost. Much to his dismay, his efforts to enlighten Tifa went unnoticed.

Tifa felt her heart skip a beat when her searching eyes had finally found what they were looking for. Her voice hitched in her throat as she drank in the sight of Leon looking pensively into the distance, the neon lights radiating brightly from the shops around him illuminating his strong, muscled frame. As he turned his torso towards an opposite direction, the thin fabric of his white shirt clung tightly to his lean body and revealed a silver of toned muscle which could be only seen on finely sculpted statues of Greek gods. The soft rays around him shone with a gentle caress on his luscious dark locks, settling breathtakingly on his soft hair like a heavenly halo.

"An angel..." She gasped in a quiet voice.

Cloud gave Tifa an incredulous look. He didn't understand what she was seeing in that man. All he saw was Leon gazing casually at a moogle plush placed in the front of a store window.

After a lengthy sigh, Tifa returned her attention to the blond with much reluctance. "Cloud, this is it. You're about to meet the only handsome and complex man in Radiant Garden." she said breathlessly as she disregarded Cloud's glower. She placed her hands in a firm grasp on his narrow shoulders with a smile intended to encourage him. Cloud's dark expression remained unwavering, his glittering lips tightened in an attempt to frown. "Please don't mess this up. I really like him." she added in a pleading voice at the sight of the blond's displeasured look.

Cloud's tightened lips eased at her desperate tone. He couldn't bring himself to deny her request; not after the countless times she had selflessly helped him during the darkest of times in his troubled past. He offered her a reluctant nod at which Tifa instantly beamed at. "Thank you so much! You're the best, Cloud!"

The edges of Cloud's glistening lips twitched in the faintest hint of a smile at her uplifted spirits.

"Next to Leon, that is." she added shortly after.

Cloud inwardly groaned in exasperation. For a brief moment he had forgotten that this was not the same woman who had helped him overcome obstacles he could never have brought himself to take on alone. No― this Tifa was a violent, demanding, and frustrating woman who often made him do things he didn't want to. But now that he thought about it... she really didn't change that much at all.

"Now at least _try_ to look cool. Wouldn't want him to think you're unworthy." she continued as she pointed a finger in a scolding manner at his face. Cloud found himself unable to dignify that remark with a response.

"Come _on_, Tifa! We gotta get going before he sees us!" Yuffie urged, her hands tugging on Tifa's arm impatiently. Tifa nodded at the ninja and gave Cloud an encouraging thumbs up. "See you at the bar!" she said before removing her hand off of his shoulder, then hastily wiping it over her apron to remove the too strong scent of cologne.

"Tifa―" The girls promptly scattered into the shadows before Cloud could properly begin another protest.

Cloud let out a frustrated sigh. What in the worlds did he do to deserve any of this? "Gaia damn it." he cursed under his breath, ignoring the stares of the gawking townspeople as he folded his arms across his exposed chest. He leaned against the lamppost behind him and waited for Leon to hurry up. He wanted nothing more than to explain to the other man that everything was an accident and he was not dressed like this because he was a flamboyant homosexual like he suspected Sephiroth to be.

The blond straightened his composure when he heard approaching steps. He looked up to see Leon saunter towards him with a small nod. Unlike Cloud, he did not dress revealingly. Leon's case was quite the opposite as he was dressed in his usual attire, the only minor difference being that he had chose to wear a sleeved jacket that looked practically the same as his other one. Cloud made a mental note to suggest him to wear something other than dead animal one day.

"Hey," the brunet greeted before letting his eyes roam over Cloud's state of (un)dress. His brows furrowed as he searched for the right words to say. "You look..." he trailed, unable to find the appropriate words to describe the inappropriately dressed man.

Cloud's frown deepened at Leon's worried expression. He supposed how ridiculous he looked didn't matter because he was about to explain himself. "Look Leon, I―"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have trailed off like that." Leon interjected apologetically, his eyes unable to tear away Cloud's shimmering lips. "I meant to say you looked…" he paused slowly. Was he wearing lip gloss? Hyne, he really went all out for tonight. "… Good. I just honestly didn't expect you to show up with your vest open and…" he decided not to comment on the other man's choice of cosmetic in case he actually enjoyed wearing it. "Yeah."

"Neither did I." Cloud grumbled quietly as he fumbled for the head of his zipper which he soon found out to be missing. Oh, for Gaia's sakes! Tifa must have ripped it off at some point to make sure that he wasn't able to zip his vest up. He cursed inwardly.

"Is everything okay?" Leon asked after he noticed the brief flicker of displeasure in the blond's expression.

"No, everything about this day blows." Cloud growled with a discontented scowl. He suddenly flinched as he felt a small pebble bounce off his forehead. His eyes hastily darted around until he caught sight of a livid Tifa and Yuffie hiding indiscreetly behind a lamppost not far from the one he was at; the two girls undoubtedly eavesdropping on their conversation. "... my mind." Cloud quickly added. "Today is the best day of my life." he said before he lead the oblivious brunet towards Tifa's bar which was unsurprisingly close to the rather dodgy area of the town they stood in.

* * *

The two men headed towards a cramped table near the back of the bar which Tifa had reserved specially for them. She had even placed a large ornamental candlestick in the center of the table at the last minute after Yuffie graciously informed her that Leon greatly appreciated the sight of oozing thick, white liquids dripping from long objects.

Cloud groaned inwardly in disbelief at the setting and hoped Leon wouldn't think he was an unpleasant creep after this night. Not that he particularly cared what others thought of him, but he didn't want to lose the only decent sparring partner he had in this world because they were currently going to have a candlelight dinner while his vest was wide open. He refused to look up at the brunet's perturbed expression as they took their seats.

After a short, uncomfortable pause, Leon cleared his throat loudly to break the silence. "This is..." he began as he took in his surroundings, beginning to feel worried at Cloud's intentions towards him, "... nice." he finished in a hesitant voice. Cloud nodded slowly and took a sip out of the complimentary drink. "I'm really enjoying this water." he offered in an attempt to seem like this day was actually mind blowing for him.

Before another awkward pause could occur, Cloud felt a pebble pelt off his forehead once again. He looked around to find Tifa and Yuffie glaring at him from behind the bar stand not too far from his table, the working bartender beside them wondering why their boss was crouching under the counter. Tifa shot him a disbelieving look as she waved her arms in a gesture urging him to start a conversation with the other man.

Cloud honestly had no clue what to say, so he opted to begin with a typical opening line that was included in almost all the generic date scenes used in romance movies Aerith made him watch with her on Friday nights. "Tell me about yourself."

Leon tore his unsettled gaze away from the glistening lip gloss stains smeared on the rim of Cloud's glass. "Well," he said as his eyes trailed to the blond's revealed chest. He wondered why his vest was completely unzipped to begin with. "I..." he found himself unable to focus, distracted by a faint scar on Cloud's abdomen. The brunet shook his head to gather his thoughts, then settled to look at the other man's face. "I used to be..." he tried again, but instead had his attention fixated on the thick layer of glitter on Cloud's concerned frown.

"Leon, are you okay?" Cloud asked, slightly worried that he might have approached a dangerous topic. Leon was snapped out of his troubled daze at the sound of Cloud's voice. "Sorry, I got caught up in my thoughts." he lied as he composed himself. "I was trying to say that I used to be a SeeD before I had met any of you."

Cloud's thin brows furrowed in confusion. "We all used to be seeds at some point in our life." he pointed out. He didn't expect Leon to be so dense about his question. If he had wanted to know about the brunet's life story from day one in the womb, he would have been more specific.

"That's not what I meant. It was the name of my occupation." Leon explained dryly.

"Ah," Cloud gave him a slow nod before responding. "That's unfortunate."

Leon frowned at the remark and chose to steer away from the topic, not particularly fond of bringing up his past. "Why are you asking for an introduction? You should know enough about me to have asked me out." he said with narrowed eyes.

"It was an accident." Cloud snapped.

Leon figured he was apologizing and waved a hand dismissively. "It's alright. I know you're not very sociable and I appreciate the effort for trying to start a conversation." he said in reassurance.

Cloud wasn't sure whether to take that statement as an insult or a compliment. The blond attempted to give a more elaborate explanation, only to pause at a sudden chill as he felt the temperature in the bar had started to drop at an increasing rate. He frowned and brought his arms over his chest to remain warm, unable to recall the weather forecast mentioning there were any drastic changes in the temperature today. His confusion was short lived after he caught sight of Yuffie fervently pressing on the remote control directed at the air conditioner conveniently installed directly above them. What in Gaia's name was she up to this time? Cloud wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"Cloud, you should zip your vest up if you're starting to feel cold." Leon offered as he struggled to look at anywhere but Cloud's hardened nipples.

"I can't," the other man grumbled, completely oblivious to Leon's distress, "The zipper broke off this afternoon." he said truthfully.

"How did that happen?" the brunet asked to distract himself from anything else hardening.

Cloud quirked a brow when he took notice of Leon's discomforted expression. "Ti―" he abruptly cut himself off before he could tell him what had actually happened. He had no desire to tell him that Tifa ripped it off and risk looking more like a sex fiend than he already did. "It got stuck between the..." he trailed off as he brainstormed frantically for an excuse. To his frustration, no ideas came to mind, so he decided he would just finish off by describing his most recent experience he had of something being stuck; which occurred a few days ago when he had accidentally went through an agonizingly painful episode of accidentally slamming and effectively trapping his most sensitive organ between his freshly glued― "... Toilet seat."

"What?"

"You asked." Cloud replied simply as he lowered his hands to his crotch at the painful memory with a silent wince. He really shouldn't have used his bathroom in the first place right after the broken hinges of his toilet seat had to be fixed with a strong adhesive. Leon bit down his bottom lip and wondered if the blond was purposely trying to make him uncomfortable by wearing a broken vest and touching his crotch right in front of him. He looked away and preoccupied himself with the task of slowly shrugging off his bomber jacket and eventually handing it to Cloud ― both for the other man's sake and his own.

"But what about you?" Cloud asked before he could bring himself to accept the offered article of clothing. He didn't want Leon to bear this temperature in his place. He loathed the idea of sacrifice. He never had a good experience with it.

"I'll be fine. I don't mind the cold." Leon said with a faint quirk of his lips. He honestly didn't.

Cloud gave him a small, reluctant nod of gratitude and took the leather jacket with a gloved hand. "Thanks," he said as he shrugged it on. He didn't want to seem completely socially inept as Tifa frequently described him to be, so he attempted at another conversation. "I…" he began in a quiet voice, unsure of what to say. He then opted to go with his instincts and said the first that came to mind. "Your jacket smells nice." he said, instantly regretting his decision.

Leon seemed taken aback by the blond's compliment. "Thank you…" he replied slowly. He would have returned Cloud a similar compliment about his scent if his smelling senses weren't assaulted by the too strong scent of cologne, vanilla, alcohol and a hint of strawberry.

Cloud's cheeks dusted with a light hue of pink in embarrassment. Though he honestly found the faint scent of leather and cinnamon to be quite nice, he'd rather have not voiced that thought aloud. He could only take so much embarrassment in one day. He averted his gaze from the other man's and busied himself with the zipper on Leon's jacket, grateful that he could finally conceal his exposed chest as he zipped it up with a strong tug.

Leon let out a soft chuckle in amusement, finding the blond's flustered state rather endearing. Cloud hesitantly raised his head at the sound, his timid gaze meeting with Leon's stormy eyes. He found himself unable to look away from the brunet's serene expression as he felt himself inexplicably weaken at the sight. For once, he had to agree with Tifa; the man in front of him admittedly looked quite handsome, especially with the dim light from the candle's flame gently highlighting his attractive features. He felt himself lean towards the man seated opposite to him, feeling entranced in the deep gray swirls of his eyes―

"_Tale as old as time,_" a voice suddenly sang.

The two men jolted in their seats, having not expected the candlestick before them to break into a musical number. Their shock was quickly settled down, as they were used to objects and animals alike having the unexplainable capability to speak.

Cloud turned his head aside and lowered his head to hide his flushed expression underneath his long bangs, feeling a slight twinge of apprehension after he realized he had been staring at another man.

"_True as it may be._" the candle continued. The men sat in silence as they found the song to be both soothing and a better alternative to another awkward pause. The candle raised its arms dramatically, feeling encouraged by their attentive silence. "_Barely even friends, then somebody bends,_" the singing ornament turned its head to give Cloud a suggestive look. "_Unexpectedl_―"

Cloud rudely interrupted the song and poured his glass of water over the candlestick's flames, not liking what the lyrics were implying at him. The candle sputtered indignantly and frantically shook off the water pooling in its handles.

"That song was nice." Leon said with a dejected frown as he watched the candle jump off the table and trot off with a string of foreign curses.

Cloud shot him a pointed glare. "That's it." he snapped, refusing to go through with this anymore, let alone for an entire night. His pride couldn't take another blow after being thoroughly ridiculed today. The line was drawn when even singing dinner ornaments felt the need to make this day worse. "I'm leaving." he announced as he abruptly stood up from his chair and marched briskly towards the exit of Tifa's bar. Leon followed suit and trailed behind the frustrated blond with an air of worried silence.

After leaving the small bar, Cloud eventually slowed his pace and turned to face the quiet man behind him. He let out a heavy sigh and closed his eyes before he finally spoke up. "Leon," he began with a frown, "I thought I could do this, but I can't."

"I'm sorry," Leon apologized before the blond could further elaborate.

Cloud expression twisted into a mixture of both surprise and confusion at the brunet's sudden apology. "It's not your fault―"

"I'm sorry," he repeated firmly as he took a hesitant step towards Cloud. "I understand if you're not ready for this. I wouldn't have agreed to anything if I knew you needed more time."

"What? Leon, it's not your fault." Cloud tried again.

"It _is _my fault." Leon snapped in an instant. "You sounded so unsure of yourself and I accepted anyway." he finished with a small sigh, his eyes cast aside to avoid the blond's gaze. Cloud could only offer the other man a blank stare as he found himself growing confused with the situation. "Hey, it's alright," he offered in an uncertain voice as he hesitantly placed a gloved hand on Leon's arm in reassurance.

Leon glanced at the hand from under his long, shaggy bands with a small frown. "If you say so." he said with slight reluctance. "I have to admit that I do appreciate that you asked me out tonight, even though it was one of the strangest and shortest dates I've ever been on." he added, his veiled gaze traveling to the blond's glittering lips. "Thank you for that."

Oblivious to Leon's uneasy stare, Cloud tightened his hold on Leon's arm as he took a short pause, inwardly debating whether or not he should tell the other man that everything was the result of a mistake. His lips tensed in a tight line after he realized that he had to take a moment to think about this to begin with. He loosened his grasp on Leon's arm and dropped his hands to his sides, drawing in a small breath before gathering himself to explain the entire ordeal.

"Goodnight, Cloud." Leon said before the blond could even manage a word. He brought a hand to Cloud's to give it a slight squeeze before turning to leave towards the opposite direction.

"Wait," Cloud abruptly spoke up. Leon turned his body slightly to face the blond with a raised brow, urging him to continue with a questioning expression. Cloud opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't bring himself to speak as he found his voice inexplicably refusing to work at the sight of the other man's concerned gaze. "Your jacket." he blurted out without a proper thought. The brunet's expression softened at the words, his eyes gleaming with an amused glint. "You obviously need it more than I do. You can give it back to me tomorrow." he replied, raising a hand up in both a dismissive and departing gesture before he continued his walk down the narrow road, occasionally stopping by store windows to glance at moogle plush toys.

Cloud let out a heavy sigh after the brunet was out of eyesight. "Gaia damn it." he cursed as he inwardly berated himself. For reasons he couldn't understand himself, he felt strangely grateful that he didn't have to go through the trouble of explaining himself to the other man.

* * *

"Why are they taking so long?" Tifa asked as she folded her arms across her chest, beginning to feel impatient. She and Yuffie had been waiting for the two men to return ever since the moment they had left, unaware that they had no intention to because it was a struggle to hear their conversation over the constant loud clattering of glass around them.

Yuffie shrugged and shoved another fistful of peanuts into her mouth from the complimentary bowl of snacks she snatched off the bar table. "Maybe they went to the bathroom." she offered between mouthfuls.

Tifa gave her an incredulous stare. "Together?" she asked in disbelief.

Yuffie lowered the now empty bowl aside with another shrug. "They're guys, Teef. It's perfectly normal for them to help hold each others penis while they take a leak." she said dismissively, purposely leaving out the facts that the only time she saw that occur was in a questionably explicit video she had forced Tron to download for her, and the fluids the men were leaking out was certainly not urine.

"I guess," Tifa said with slight reluctance as her features scrunched up at the ninja's crude choice of words. "In that case, I can't wait to ask Cloud exactly how big Leon is." she added excitedly.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for writing them such a short date. I had no idea what to have them do. I don't really like this chapter either.

For anyone who's wondering, according to Urban Dictionary, this is what _dilly dally shilly shally_ means: 'An expression used to chastise someone who is wasting time, focusing on unimportant things, procrastinating, or otherwise being an emo blond-haired sissy boy.'

Lyrics from _Tale as old as time_ belong to Disney.


End file.
